Healing Your Nervous System
'Collecting' Proof of the Opposite of Your Past Experience
Why This Matters
Every time I walked into a grocery store, I felt like I was doing something wrong. It wasn’t just anxiety about being in public. It was the deep, unsettling feeling that I was inherently out of place. That at any moment, someone would stop me, reprimand me, or tell me I wasn’t supposed to be there.
It didn’t make sense, but my nervous system wasn’t operating on logic. It was running on past experiences, on an ingrained belief that I needed to walk on eggshells to avoid some invisible punishment. Even when I had been to the same grocery store dozens of times without incident, the fear never fully left.
Your nervous system is like a cautious guardian, always scanning for danger, always remembering. It holds onto past experiences to protect you, even when those experiences no longer reflect your reality. If you’ve ever felt anxious in a situation that, logically, you knew was safe, that’s your nervous system at work. It’s doing its best to keep you from harm, even when harm isn’t present.
I know this firsthand. My journey into nervous system healing wasn’t something I sought out for fun—it became necessary. After experiencing deep burnout and anxiety, I noticed that my fears didn’t fade just because I understood them. My nervous system needed something more: proof.
Healing wasn’t about waiting until I felt perfectly safe before engaging with the world again. It was about intentionally gathering experiences that contradicted my fears. Tiny, everyday moments that told my nervous system, See? You’re safe now.
'Proof' & How the Nervous System Learns
Your nervous system isn’t trying to make your life miserable; it’s trying to keep you alive. It constantly assesses your surroundings based on past experiences, not logic. Even things you don’t consciously register, like a scent in the air or the way someone looks at you, can trigger an alert if they remind your system of danger from the past.
But here’s the good news: just as your nervous system learned fear, it can learn safety. This happens slowly, through repeated experiences. Healing isn’t about one big breakthrough, it’s about consistent, gentle exposure to safe experiences that show your system it doesn’t always have to be on high alert. Think of it as filling a jar, one drop at a time. Each safe experience is a new drop of proof.
Neuroplasticity: How Your Brain Rewires Itself
Your nervous system isn’t stuck in place, it’s adaptable. This is because of neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire and form new neural connections based on experience. Every time you collect proof of safety, your brain physically changes, reinforcing new pathways that make calm and trust more automatic.
Think of your neural pathways like walking trails in a forest. If you’ve spent years walking the same fearful path, it’s well-worn and easy to follow. But when you start collecting safe experiences, it’s like forging a new path through dense brush.
At first, it’s difficult, uncomfortable, and unfamiliar. But the more you walk it—choosing safety, recognizing proof—the clearer and easier the path becomes. Eventually, your brain starts defaulting to this new route rather than the old fearful one.
This is why repetition is key. Each small, safe experience adds to the new trail, helping your brain reshape its response to the world.
The Skittish Animal Metaphor: Gaining the Nervous System’s Trust
There was a time when I rushed the healing process. I think we all do this in the beginning. After realizing how much my nervous system was running the show, I threw myself into meeting new people, eager to prove to myself that I could feel safe in social settings again. I found a new friend group, started building connections, and even talked openly about how life-changing nervous system work had been for me.
But something felt off.
I didn’t actually feel safe. I was surrounded by people, but I still wasn’t settled inside my body. I felt like I had to appear regulated, as if I had already figured everything out. Talking about nervous system healing made me feel like I had to embody it all the time. That if I was still struggling, I wasn’t "doing it right."
Instead of allowing myself to be exactly where I was, I pushed myself to keep up. I ignored the part of me that needed to step back, take things slower, or leave situations that felt overwhelming. I was starved for connection, and I wasn’t giving myself the space to build it at a pace that actually worked for my nervous system.
It wasn’t until I left that environment that I noticed the difference. When I moved to Bali, I naturally slowed down. I gave myself permission to take my time, to step into social situations gently, and to trust myself to leave if I needed to. I didn’t feel completely safe all the time, but I felt safer than I had before.
Imagine your nervous system as a skittish animal—one that has been startled and conditioned to expect harm. If you try to approach it too fast, it bolts. If you try to force trust, it recoils. But if you give it space, move gently, and offer repeated proof of safety, over time, it begins to relax.
Healing isn’t about forcing yourself to trust. It’s about creating the conditions where trust can naturally grow.
Collecting Proof: How Small Moments Shape Big Change
Your nervous system learns through experience, not just through thoughts. You can tell yourself, I’m safe now, but if your body doesn’t feel safe, it won’t believe you.
Healing isn’t about waiting until you no longer feel afraid. It’s about gently stepping into safe experiences, again and again, until your system starts to recognize the pattern. Some examples:
A stranger holding the door open for you.
Realizing you weren’t judged in a conversation.
Notice that nothing bad happened when you spoke up.
One of the first times I intentionally collected proof of safety, my goal was simple: I wanted to notice one moment where I felt welcomed in a social setting.
That day, someone greeted me warmly at a café, and instead of brushing it off as luck, I wrote it down. It felt small, but it was real. It was proof my nervous system needed.
Looking back, I wish I had done this more consistently. I wasn’t great at keeping track of these moments, and I think that slowed down the process for me. If I could go back, I’d remind myself that even the tiniest shifts were worth recording.
If you’re starting this practice, write down more than you think you need to. Those moments add up.
Each moment is like a tiny charm you collect along your healing journey, a symbol of safety that slowly rewires your system’s expectations.
My Journey: Learning to Feel Safe in the World Again
For a long time, my nervous system told me I wasn’t welcome. Anytime I walked into a new space, I braced myself for rejection, waiting for someone to look at me and say, “Why would you even come here? You don’t belong.”
I expected to be laughed at, excluded, and pushed out. The fear wasn’t logical, but it felt real. And every time I avoided new situations, my nervous system took that as confirmation: Yes, we were right to be scared.
It took time, but I started tiptoeing into new experiences. I surrounded myself with people who welcomed me as I was. I slowly allowed myself to be more open and honest in conversations. I gathered tiny moments of proof that my fears weren’t reality anymore.
Over time, I realized I could walk into a new place without feeling like an intruder. I could meet new people without assuming rejection. My nervous system had learned something new.
I still have off days now when I have a bit too much going on. I'm definitely not a social butterfly and I don't need to be. But I can interact with people feeling safe and I can meet new people while feeling safe. It's night and day compared to how I used to feel.
How to Start Collecting Proof for Yourself
Healing is personal, but if you want to start rewiring your nervous system, here are a few steps:
1. Recognize When Old Patterns Are Playing Out
Pay attention to how your body reacts in situations, not just your thoughts. Do you tense up? Do you avoid certain places or people? Those are signs your nervous system is still stuck in past experiences.
2. Take Smaller Steps Than You Think
If being around people makes you anxious, start with one small, intentional step. Try deciding to believe that someone is safe unless they prove otherwise. Let yourself test trust in tiny ways.
3. Let Others Prove Their Trustworthiness
If you’re hesitant to open up, don’t force it. Instead, try sharing something small, something that makes you just a little nervous. See how they respond. Safe people will show you they’re safe over time.
4. Balance Exposure with Grounding
If you step into a new, nerve-wracking experience, make sure you follow it up with something grounding. Take a walk, journal, or have a cup of tea. Do something that reminds your nervous system that you are okay.
5. Seek Support from Trauma-Informed Professionals
Healing your nervous system is deep, layered work. While self-guided steps are powerful, having a trauma-informed therapist or coach can help you move through this process in a safe and supportive way. If you have deep-seated patterns of fear, you don’t have to do this alone.
Grounding Techniques After New Experiences
When you intentionally step into new situations, your nervous system may still react. This doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your system is processing. After pushing your comfort zone, grounding helps signal to your body that it’s safe to relax.
Here are a few techniques to help after experiencing something new:
Sensory Grounding (for when you feel overwhelmed)
5-4-3-2-1 Method: Name 5 things you see, 4 things you touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste.
Run your hands under cold water or hold a warm cup of tea.
Movement-Based Grounding (to release nervous energy)
Shake out your hands or do gentle stretching.
Walk barefoot on the earth (grass, sand, or dirt).
Breathwork for Calmness
Box Breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4.
Longer Exhales: Breathe in for 4 seconds, breathe out for 6-8 seconds.
Comfort Rituals (to reconnect with safety)
Wrap yourself in a blanket, light a candle, or listen to calming music.
Engage in a small, familiar habit that feels grounding (reading, making tea, journaling).
The goal isn’t to suppress your nervous system’s reaction but to gently guide it back to safety after stepping into something new.
Step-by-Step Guide to Tracking Proof of Safety
Tracking proof of safety helps reinforce the nervous system’s learning. When you write down or reflect on safe experiences, you’re telling your brain, This was real. This happened. You are okay.
Here’s a simple way to start tracking proof:
Set an Intention for the Day
Each morning, decide: What small proof of safety will I look for today?
Example: I will notice when someone smiles at me. I will observe when a conversation feels safe.
Write Down Safe Moments
Keep a small “proof journal” or note them in your phone.
Example: I was in a crowded place and felt okay. I spoke up in a conversation, and nothing bad happened.
Reflect on Patterns Over Time
At the end of the week, review what you wrote. Even if the shift feels small, notice any changes.
Does anything feel slightly easier than before? Keep going—the nervous system learns in layers
Visualize the Shift
Picture your nervous system like a jar filling up with safety drops.
Each time you record proof, you strengthen the new, safe neural pathways.
By making proof tangible, you remind your brain that the world isn’t as threatening as it once believed.
The Truth About Healing: Slow & Intentional
Your nervous system isn’t broken. It’s working exactly as it was designed, to keep you safe. It just doesn’t know yet that you’ve got this.
Healing isn’t about forcing yourself to be brave. It’s about gently showing yourself, one moment at a time, that the world isn’t as dangerous as your past made it seem. And remember: nervous system healing happens in 1% increments. It’s slow, but it’s real.
Each tiny proof of safety is a step forward. Keep collecting them. Trust the process. You’ve got this.
A Cozy Companion for Your Nervous System
One of the things that has helped me in my own journey is making sure I have small rituals that remind me to slow down and take care of myself. Tea has been one of those rituals for me—it’s a moment where I can pause, breathe, and reconnect.
I’ve found that herbs like Tulsi and Oatstraw are especially helpful. Tulsi, also known as holy basil, helps clear my mind and settle stress, while Oatstraw is deeply nourishing for the nervous system, helping me feel more resilient over time.
That’s part of why I created my Tea & Herb Recipe Cards—to share some of my favorite blends that support relaxation, digestion, and nervous system balance. Inside, you’ll find blends with calming herbs like Lemon Balm, Ashwagandha, Passionflower, and Catnip, as well as digestion-supporting herbs like Fennel, Ginger, and Licorice.
If you’d like a little herbal support on your journey, you can grab them [here]. No pressure, just something cozy to explore. 💛
